Yep, not an entirely a new concept but it's very true. The way I blog is very much like the way I journal... which means that I get a good start with writing consistently and then I get distracted and don't do it for a very, very long time. I have had people call me "self-motivated" here (perhaps due to my habit of running in my room, which actually I still do) but it seems not to apply to writing in my blog.
But, I don't really want to write about all the reasons why I can't seem to discipline myself to write consistently...
Instead I want to try something new. There is one way that I journal consistently and that is when I'm reading through scripture. When I'm reading, I will usually write down the words that stand out to me. Generally it's because something that has caught my eye in a new way. And oddly enough, I really don't have a lot of conversations about what I'm reading with other people here so I guess this is my chance.
So tonight I was reading through Mark 5-8 and the passage that stood out to me bookends Jesus feeding the five thousand in chapter 6. In summary, Jesus sees that the disciples are tired and calls them away to spend some time with him in a solitary place. The crowd follows, he has compassion on them and so they don't rest, but instead Jesus teaches and then the crowd is miraculously fed. After being fed, Jesus sends the disciples on ahead while he dismisses the crowd.
I guess the two things that stood out to me involve rest and Jesus' leadership When he sees his followers he calls them to "Come with me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest." Since most of my schedule on a day to day, even week to week basis, is primarily self-generated I think it's good to have that reminder that when I'm really tired, it's okay to rest. I don't have to feel guilty when my brain really doesn't want to take in any more Arabic or when I don't have the energy visit anyone. Jesus is a good leader. He knows that sometimes I just need to sit outside (usually on the roof) and be still.
However, then comes the crowd... It's a great demonstration of a conversation I've had multiple times: which is more important, paying attention to our energy levels or ministering to the needs around us? And the answer is always both, but how does that really work? So the crowd comes and they do end up serving them. So yah, sometimes when I'm really tired, I will still feel prompted to make that call and visit. For example yesterday when I did not feel like going anywhere but yet, I felt compelled to call on one of the families I visit here. It turns out that their eldest daughter had just returned from out of country for a break in-between semesters. I was able to see her for the first time in months. Though I didn't say much on my visit, I think that just having my presence there was important to her.
Then at the end of the story, Jesus sends the disciples on ahead while he dismisses the crowd. The first time I read that I was impressed with how Jesus took the time to dismiss five thousand people. But this second time, I was impressed with how Jesus sent his disciples on ahead. He knew they were tired so after everyone was fed he took on the responsibility of dismissal and let them have a break. He took care of them and their needs. When I read that I thought, "that was really awesome of him to do that for his disciples." I think at times I take Jesus' perfection for granted when really I should be more impressed.
So anyway, those were my thoughts tonight. I'm really not sure if I'll write another blog like this, but maybe :)
Side note: I had to correct a bunch of spelling and grammar errors when reading this through... I think Arabic is corrupting my English.
