Fighting a Faith of Obligation - Part Two

Part Two of the long reflective post to be concluded here...

The Seeking

Ironically in my fight against a faith of obligation, I continued to read my Bible and set aside personal time to pray even when my heart could not fully realize the benefits. I guess I just wanted to continue trying the lock, so to speak, and see if I'd rediscovered the key yet. 

Well, first I traveled north for a week to help at a hospital and also with some relief work for the refugees there. I sought to be useful but also to gain perspective in the change of scenery. That I received both was very restorative. I think I now understand a little of the importance of journey to a pilgrimage. I began to realize how thankful I am for my community of friends here in the city where I live. About that time I also started listening to sermons from my home church on a frequent basis. They served as reminders to both the truth of their messages in my life, but also the memory of the fellowship there. I then spent three days in the mountains, basking in creation and the pleasures of exploration and relaxation. Each of these actions started to build in me an appreciation and thankfulness for what I have been given. I think a true awareness of thanksgiving can begin the restoration of joy. 

Strangely enough, or perhaps not so strange, my fiction reading also started pointing me in the right direction. On a whim I decided to pick up The Life and Adventures of Robinson Crusoe, thinking I had never read it before and an adventure story suited my mood at the time. Well, unbeknownst to me, the first half of the story is as much a story of Crusoe's faith as it is of him trying to escape the island. (Yep, he escapes during the first half of the book. I had to peek ahead to reaffirm that his return to England was not the end of the story as I had previously believed.) Anyway, there quite a few insightful quotes, particularly concerning thankfulness: "I enjoyed so many mercies, which I had no reason to have expected... that I ought never more repine... but to rejoice, and to give daily thanks."

I also rediscovered the writings of Stephen Lawhead, an author of quite a few novels revolving around Celtic history. The ones I read included his trilogy on the Crusades and a stand alone novel titled Byzantium. Each of his characters has a story of faith, but it wasn't their faith that challenged me but their faults. In the first book of the trilogy the main character has a keen sense of justice and as such completely writes off God due to the corruption of the church at the time. In the second, the main character treats his friend with contempt because his friend disregards his advice, even though the protagonist's judgement proves correct in the end. In the third, the main character tries to use God's plan for her own selfish desire. I read them and realized that, particularly with the first two, there were tendencies in myself I could recognize as similar. Then I read Byzantium which in essence tracks the story of an Irish monk who over the course of events in the story loses his faith due to bitterness, disappointment, and anger at injustice and corruption. It was a sobering read, especially as the protagonist continues to act intelligently and even admirably despite the condition of his heart. Again, though not to the extreme portrayed, I found elements in the protagonist's behavior that I could identify with myself. These reflections enlightened me on my own faults while at the same time renewing my thankfulness for grace and that I serve a Savior who understands all because he also lived on this earth and suffered even greater injustice than I've seen, let alone experienced.

Yet, I can't say that I recognized the restoration until last Friday sitting on my roof unable to reach my friend to discover whether she passed her exams or not. (These exams determine whether you can attend university or not, and since my friend's family is not from this country also determined whether she would be attend a university in this country or not. I had been praying for months that she would have peace despite the pressures.) Well, after pouring out my heart to God on her behalf and finally leaving it in his hands I went to bed still not knowing. Yet I think during that time I felt my heart opened again and the next day when I discovered the favorable exam results, I was able to rejoice fully.

So there ends my incredibly long story of the past two months. The words from James 4 come to mind: "Submit yourselves, then to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Come near to God and he will come near to you... Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up."